Jacquiem for a Dream

Ponder this

2010-02-25T12:34:00.000-08:00

Gather yourself up, as the exercises of recollection have taught you to do. Then - with attention no longer frittered amongst the petty accidents and interest of your personal life, but poised, tense, ready for the work you shall demand of it- stretch out by a distinct act of loving will towards one of the myriad manifestations of life that surround you: and which, in an ordinary way, you hardly notice unless you happen to need them. Pour yourself our towards it, do not draw its image towards you. Deliberate- more, impassioned - attentiveness, an attentiveness which soon transcends all consciousness of yourself, as separate from and attending to the thing seen; this is the condition of success. As to the object of contemplation, it matters little. From Alp to insect, anything will do, provided that your attitude be right: for all things in this world towards which you are stretching out are linked together, and one truly apprehended will be the gateway to the rest.

-Evelyn Underhill

Etsy

2009-11-14T07:48:00.000-08:00

I just started my Etsy store. I've been wanting to do this for sometime. I only have three items posted, but as I make more stuff I'll get it up on the site. Please check it out : http://www.etsy.com/shop/pearlgrl.

So...

2009-11-11T12:45:00.000-08:00

I haven't felt like blogging lately.

Camping at La Jolla Indian Reservation

2009-09-28T17:59:00.000-07:00

These city babies adapted surprisingly well to the natural environment

Jay cooking up some chicken for dinner, and Mark adding a little Purel hand sanitizer...you can never be too clean while camping...

This was our 14th attempt at a decent picture of the two of us. Mark says the flash hurts his eyes. He must have weak eyes.
Mom and babe, fireside.

Thanks for the Purel chicken Mark and Jay!

Jay and his women.

Family photo.

Alayna and Sloane takin' it easy.

The next morning Mark scramble up some eggs and bacon.

Ella and Daddy at the riverbed. Too bad the water was only 6 inches deep on this 95 degree day.
Oh well, next time we will go rafting and tubing.

Mark and I dared to join our friends for a camping adventure last weekend. Some thought we were crazy for bringing Ella camping at just 2 1/2 months old. But we knew our little nature lover would do just great.

Here is a video of the girls first camping experience. Sorry for the black eye Sloane, I promise it was an accident.

Ella - 2 months old

2009-09-28T17:55:00.000-07:00

Video of Ella "Dancing"

Bathing Beauty

2009-09-28T17:50:00.001-07:00

Ella and Sloane

2009-09-18T15:23:00.000-07:00

We don't care what they say...they are destined to be best baby friends.

Their first meeting. Sloane is 2 weeks old and Ella is 3 days old.

Now look at them... Ella is 9 weeks old and Sloane is 11 weeks old...

Mom came to visit

2009-09-15T14:14:00.000-07:00

My mom is truly the best! I don't know if I could do anything half as good without her. She has taught me so much about how to be a good mother and she continually amazes me with her unconditional love and servants heart. It's been so hard having her so far away, but I know that she will always be such a big part of Ella's life. This is already her second visit in Ella's short 2 month life. If I can be a fraction of the mother she was to me, then I will count motherhood a success.

Some "me" time

2009-09-09T18:28:00.001-07:00

So, as I mentioned previously, having a baby has proven to be much more time consuming than I thought. Time for doing extra things like sewing, reading or yoga are out of the question, heck, I'm lucky to get a shower in or make dinner.

Over the last couple of weeks I have felt a dire need for some "me" time. It has been extremely challenging to leave the baby for more then a couple of hours because she has not been a big fan of the bottle. Alas, last night gave me hope. After nursing the baby, I asked Mark to try and give her some more milk in a bottle. And...it worked! I think that feeding her from the bottle when she isn't extremely hungry and tired is the key. Hopefully last night wasn't a fluke. We have decided to try and repeat this process each evening.

In the mean time, Mark has been quite the trooper. This week I have been waking up before he heads to work for a morning jog. I have also been spending some of Ella's nap time reading something besides baby developmental books, and I have been doing a little sewing at night. It's amazing how the few minutes of solitude really give me the gumption I need to keep going.

2009-09-04T16:09:00.000-07:00

Hungry?

2009-09-04T15:30:00.001-07:00

How 'bout a Jacquie sandwich?

She's a party animal

2009-09-04T15:19:00.000-07:00

Happy Engagement Jess and Peter. We are so excited for your big day!

This was taken last weekend at the Engagement Party we held for Jess and Peter. It was beautiful. Twinkle lights, wonderful food and friends. Click here for more pictures of the party.

Dinner with the girls.

Ella likes to keep up her appearances. She tries to make it out to all the events in her social calendar.

Welcome to the World, Ella Pearl!

2009-09-03T17:42:00.001-07:00

With the arrival of our precious pearl nearly 7 weeks ago and our recent move to Long Beach, this year has kept Mark and I quite busy. Maybe that explains why my last post was nearly a year ago. Although one would think that not working I would have plenty of time on my hands, or at least I thought so, but taking care of miss Ella has required much more time and energy than I ever could have imagined.

Since little Ella is already growing so quickly, I am hoping to keep this blog updated once a week or so, we'll see how that goes. Please save our blog in your favorites if you wish to follow.

August 8
Ella's first road trip. Everyone thought that we were crazy when we drove 5 hours north for Christina and David's wedding. But sweet Ella did such a great job. See for yourself...

Exhausted from the drive

With the girls

New York

2008-10-14T18:27:00.000-07:00

Mark and I spent the weekend in New York. Here are some pictures from our trip...

At the Met
Mark calls this one "Chaotic order"

Central Park

Jess playing one of her last shows with Beck at the United Palace...

In the East village

Our only picture with the statue of liberty in the background (very small, to the right of Mark's head)...I'm glad our photographer got in the picture too...

Mark looking out at Ground Zero

Lunch at a yummy falafel place with Peter and Jess...

We had such a wonderful time. Being able to see Jess on the last leg of the tour, seeing Des at her new home in NYU dorms. It was hard to leave. New York is so beautiful in the Fall. Luckily the weather was beautiful. Hopefully we can go and visit again soon.

Eric and Annmarie Wedding Photos

2008-09-16T22:08:00.000-07:00

Check 'em out on Nikki's Flicker:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/homespun_colony

The Engagement 7.11.08

2008-09-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

Although it was nearly two months ago, I wanted to post some pictures from Annmarie and Eric's Engagement Party. Mark and I hosted the party at our house and we were honored to have all the fellow Johnson lovers all in one place. We just celebrated their wedding last weekend...hopefully I can get those pictures up a little quicker this time.

Domesticaticated Night Returns!

2008-08-07T16:29:00.001-07:00

Although this summer has been crazy busy. One accomplishment is the return of Domesticated Night. Enjoy the pictures!

Have I been weak in my life?

2008-06-06T07:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I find it impossible to continue on in the work that I do. Can I really persevere through the cocktail of pain, abuse, addiction, and mental health issues that these women struggle with daily? It makes me think, have I been weak in my life? I can barely keep myself afloat just trying to help these women amidst the difficulties they face, and I'm not the one faced with any of these problems myself. Sure, I have gone through my ups and downs in life like anyone else. But at the end of the day, the kind of love and support that I come home to...how can I complain? I ponder...am I too sensitive...what do I have to offer with the relatively "easy" life that I have led...I can't relate to this kind of suffering...I am at the end of myself. I guess that's an adequate place to be.

This journey has been arduous. I will endure.

Memorial Day Events

2008-05-26T19:12:00.000-07:00

Mark and I were originally planning on going away to Palm Springs with a bunch of friends for the Memorial Day weekend. Since we have been gone virtually every weekend this month we opted to stay at home and plant our garden (finally). We planted carrots, onions and eggplant. Next weekend we plan on finishing our garden and planting tomatoes, peas, corn, lettuce, spinach and a bunch of other veggies. Mmmm, I can't wait to go in my back yard and find everything that I need to create a yummy meal.

Camping at San Onofre

2008-05-24T09:32:00.001-07:00

Decisions

2008-05-21T07:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just wish that decisions could be made for me. I seem to over-analyze, foreshadow, think and rethink, until I feel sick to my stomach. No matter how much thinking that I do, I still am faced with making a choice, which will inevitably change my course in some way or another.
I guess my fear is making "the wrong choice," but maybe it's not so black and white, but maybe it is?!?!
Just a little outward reflecting.
What are your thoughts on decisions?

Easter Weekend

2008-03-31T21:25:00.000-07:00

We spent Easter at my In-laws this year and my sister joined us. We had a wonderful time eating great food and had good enough weather to sun bathe pool side. Nola even got to sport her Easter dress (don't be too alarmed, I promise that my dog doesn't usually wear clothes...it was mostly a joke...mostly:)

?

2008-03-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

How do I keep my heart pure whilst being exposed to so much evil and sadness in the world? How do I comfort and love (the women I work with) when I see the pure hell they have lived through? How can I keep faith that these things will be redeemed? How do I let go and let God? My struggle has been taking these words and truths and not only living, but beliving them.

Laguna

2008-03-16T14:51:00.000-07:00

(I hope that you enjoy the awkward close-up of Mark and I. That's what happens when there is only two people, unless you want to annoy a stranger by asking them to snap a shot.)

It looks like I'm choking my dog, I swear, I'm not, just trying to hold up her humongous head

Mark and I took Nola to Laguna last weekend. We got breakfast at our favorite Vegan restaurant and played on the beach with Nola. It was the perfect Saturday morning. I can't wait for more sunny days to come.

Anyways, I hope to post more then pictures soon...rantings to come...

Arizona Trip

2008-02-22T17:03:00.001-08:00

Warm weather makes me nutty...

2008-02-12T08:31:00.000-08:00

This weekend was a dream...with weather in the high 70's-low 80's and my mom in town, I was in heaven. We stayed at a friend's beach house on Lido Isle, right on the harbor, it was splendid. We went kayaking in the harbor, running on the boardwalk, and had a picnic and competitive basketball game of "PIG" at the park. Just enough of a taste of the summer to make me acheing for more. Luckily this week has stayed warm, and just when it's about to cool down later this week, Mark and I are headed to Arizona to stay in the sun.

We are going to Arizona with another friend couple. I can't wait for couples tennis matches, thrift shopping, swimming and frozen yogurt. I will try and post pictures of our trip when we get back.

Let's all cross our fingers that summer comes quickly...

US: Electric Chair Banned as Cruel, Unusual Punishment

2008-02-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

Nebraska Ruling Brings US Closer to Ending This Inhumane Form of Execution in US(New York, February 8, 2008)
The Nebraska Supreme Court’s ruling today that use of the electric chair violates the state constitution’s ban on cruel and unusual punishment is an important step toward eliminating inherently inhumane executions in the United States, Human Rights Watch said today. Nebraska is the only state to use the electric chair as its sole method of execution; all other US death penalty jurisdictions use lethal injection. “This ruling abolishes the barbaric practice of electrocutions in the state of Nebraska,” said Sarah Tofte, US researcher at Human Rights Watch and co-author of a 2006 report on executions by lethal injection in the United States. The Nebraska Supreme Court ruled today that execution by electrocution violates the ban on cruel and unusual punishment found in Article I, section 9 of the Nebraska Constitution. “Condemned prisoners must not be tortured to death, regardless of their crimes,” the court wrote. Since 1994, Nebraska has electrocuted three condemned prisoners. Since the death penalty was reinstated in the US in 1976, there have been at least 10 visibly botched electrocutions, including the 1997 electrocution of Pedro Medina in Florida. During his execution, flames shot out from the headpiece, filling the execution chamber with a cloud of thick smoke and gagging the two dozen official witnesses. An official then threw a switch to manually cut off the power and prematurely end the two-minute cycle of 2,000 volts. Medina’s chest continued to heave until the flames stopped, and then he died. As a result of today’s ruling, the task falls to the Nebraska legislature to consider an alternative method of execution if it wishes to retain the death penalty. Although the court contends that lethal injection “is universally recognized as the most humane method of execution,” Human Rights Watch urged the Nebraska legislature to carefully examine the risk of suffering posed by the three-drug protocol currently used in lethal injections in other states. In January, the US Supreme Court heard arguments on the constitutionality of lethal injection. Pending the court’s decision, there is a de facto moratorium on lethal injections in the country. “Lethal injection is not as humane as it might appear to be,” said Tofte. “There is mounting evidence that condemned prisoners are at risk of suffering excruciating pain. With today’s ruling, the Nebraska legislature has an opportunity to reject methods of execution that cause inhumane pain and suffering.” Human Rights Watch opposes the death penalty in all circumstances as an inherently cruel and unusual form of punishment and a violation of fundamental human rights. To view the Nebraska Supreme Court opinion, please click here.

Click the website to help End Domestic Violence

2008-01-29T15:32:00.000-08:00

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Please visit ClicktoEmpower.com DAILY and click on the “Click to Empower Now” button. Every click counts!

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So Long as They Die

2008-01-10T10:35:00.000-08:00

Check out the link if you have any question in your mind if lethal injections or what they call "humane execution" (which is seemingly contradictory) is not an obscene violation of human rights.

http://hrw.org/reports/2006/us0406/

this weekend

2007-11-19T21:25:00.000-08:00

LOL

2007-11-16T13:29:00.000-08:00

No, it's not the popular acronym that you're think of, laugh out loud, it stands for Live On Less. It's been a popular phrase lately in the Mayotte household. A couple of weeks ago at a Lydia meeting, the human rights group Mark and I volunteer with, Sandie, the founder was talking about her experience living in Greece. After 13 years of living overseas she was shocked to move back to see how much excess we live in.
This is an obvious concept to anyone with the slightest awareness. And I have always tried to remain conscious of my consumption and waste, but Mark and I have made it into a game in our house, to see who can come up with the most Eco friendly idea. Here are a couple:

-Burying our dogs waste to naturally biodegrade instead of throwing it away to fill up already over-full land fills.
-Hang drying our clothes on the clothes line
-Saving left-overs and making new meals with them
-Shopping primarily at thrift stores for clothes, furniture, art, or presents, or trading clothes at vintage shops
-Trading old CDs for new ones
-Picnics at the park/beach/anywhere instead of eating out
-The crock pot
-Making gifts instead of buying

These are just a few fun ideas, post some if you have some other ideas!

Some haunting facts...

2007-10-11T11:38:00.000-07:00

-one million children each year are exploited in the global commercial sex trade

-50% of all trafficking victims worldwide are children

-70-95% of the women in prostitution were sexually assaulted and/or raped according to a study of nine countries

-50% of HIV-infected children, in the absence of any treatment, die by their second birthday

-2.3 million girls and women work as prostitutes and madams in India

-2,000 girls are rescued from sex-slavery each year in India

-200,000 persons are trafficked into, within or through India anually

-$400 million in revenue is generated in Bombay's red-light district

I don't really know where to start...

2007-09-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

After spending a much-needed summer in Oregon, Mark and I are back in the OC. I don't really know how else to explain it but we just knew we needed to have some refuge away from the fast-paced living in So Cal. We knew two things we were looking forward to in Oregon, Family and space. Suprisingly, what we were looking for in Oregon, we found in Tustin.

We are living in a cute little 20s house in Old Town Tustin. We have 3 bedrooms, a backyard and an orchard. That's our space. As for family, my little sister decided she couldn't get enough of Mark and I this summer and followed us back to Orange County. She is living with us and going to school at Biola to become a Nurse. It's amazing how all this worked out, just not in the way that I had imagined. It has been so great having family close, but also being in the place that we love, close to all of our friends.

Mark is loving his new job. He is learning great leadership as a Supervisor for a local carpenter and really enjoying working on our house, his basketball league and watching college football.

As for me, I am currently working with a local non profit called Lydia Today: http://www.lydiatoday.org/, which I am very excited about and also volunteering with a group of special needs girls.

More thoughts to come...

Rest in Peace

2007-06-12T09:29:00.000-07:00

William Smith

1981-2007

my girls...

2007-05-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

It's quite an odd thing to be sad and excited at the same time. I am at such a crossroads here. Any time spent with friends takes me to a place of sadness and depression knowing that I will never find friends like this anywhere. And yes, I know, they will always be my best friends. But it's quite different to be a part of the daily happenings in each others lives.

I will miss...

shopping at Goodwill with Tawny...

drinking too much wine and then trying to sew with the "domesticated" girls...

many breakfasts at Gypsy Den...

double-dates with Crystal and Sam...

laying poolside at Martinique...

all the journaling and tea drinking...

bounce house at Dawson street...

random road trips to Joshua tree...

cooking ethnic foods together...

bike rides...

dancing with my girls...

praying for each other...

late night talks from our hearts...

reminiscing...

Positano, Italy and bathing in the Mediterranean...

laughing...

painting, scrap booking, writing and trying to study...

I love you girls! You are my best friends and my sisters!

Blessings...

2007-05-03T11:59:00.000-07:00

Ask anyone, I'm not a raging optimist. An Idealist, yes. But I definitely feel the ups and downs of life and I don't like to sugarcoat anything. But lately I just can't help but smile at all of the beautiful blessings around me. How about a list:

So it's official...

2007-05-01T14:16:00.000-07:00

Mark and I are packing up our things (what little we have left after selling most of our furniture) and we're headed up north to Oregon.

I'm sure that there will be many questions as to why the sudden change (and yes, it is VERY sudden)...but I'm still not really sure why. I love it here! Granted, I don't love Orange County. But I love my job. I love my community. I love my friends and all the quality time. and the beach and wonderful weather...that should be enough reason to stay, huh? We'll tell that to the Big Man (GOD). Over the last couple of weeks Mark and I have had this feeling that we're to move on. I'm not sure why, or even how long, maybe just for the summer. We just know that it's time for change.

More to come...

A day at the Beach

2007-04-25T12:43:00.000-07:00

Dog Park

2007-04-20T16:26:00.000-07:00

So I really don't want to be that weird pet owner that refers to their dog as their "son" or "daughter." But I will admit that the dog love is in full affect. Last Saturday Mark and I took Nola and Mark's dog Bubba to the park. We had a great time....see for yourself...

twentythree

2007-03-31T13:59:00.000-07:00

I would love to say that I am one of those people that humbly thinks nothing of their birthday and desires nothing for it. The reality is: I couldn't be further from that ideal. I try not to have such high expectations, I know that I'm spoiled rotten, but it's something that I just cannot help. Here is the birthday DL (down low):

Birthday dinner with the Fam:
Tea Party in Long Beach with my girls:Lot's of flowers:Dinner at La Craperia with friends:

Think about it...

2007-03-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

-35% of the world's grain and 70% of the United States' grain are fed to livestock
-Some developing nations grow and export grains to feed livestock in Western nations while their own citizens are starving
-Every steak has the same global warming effect as a 25-mile drive in a typical American car
-Livestock production is the largest polluter of water in the United States, topping all other industries that produce toxic wastes
-Cattle ranching has destroyed more rain forest than any other activity in Central America
-Most Americans eat 4 to 6 times the amount of protein required for good health. This extra protein is wasted and can cause disease.

"When cattle ranchers clear rain forests to raise beef to sell to fast-food chains that make hamburgers to sell to Americans who have the highest rate of heart disease in the world...we can say easily that business is no longer developing the world. We have become its predator." - Paul Hawken
Author of The Ecology of Commerce

The Stand

2007-03-16T11:20:00.000-07:00

If you have not been to The Stand in Laguna Beach you are missing out. Not only is this little hidden treasure Vegan friendly, they use no animal products or bi-products, but they serve up some of the most tantalizing food that your body (or your hippie friend) won't hate you for indulging in. Believe me it's hard to find really tasty and inexpensive vegan food. But The Stand does things right.

...I'm not one to throw around cliche Christian lingo

2007-02-22T10:25:00.000-08:00

...and sometimes I am too careful, not for the sake of tolerance but for the sake of authenticity...but I'll just be blunt here...I cannot do anything without Christ!

So where am I going with this? Well as many of you know I juggle many hats at my job with Mercy House. With nothing more then the determination of a eager post college student I have been wearing very thin. I have been hanging on with the nothing but ego and despite many attempts for the Lord to extricate me from my pride, I have still managed to make this all about me. SO how many times did I have to fall on my ass to realize that I cannot do this without HIM? Well I'm much to prideful to answer that (ironic huh?). No but really, I have finally come to a point where I have set boundaries even when they make me look weak (hint: I am weak). I am ready to let God lead this crazy train, not because I am so humble to let him, but because He has made it my only option. I am learning...slowly...

Thanks for listening to my mantra...more ramblings to come...

Nola...

2007-02-20T14:29:00.000-08:00

OK...some more info on the new pup aka Mark's daughter:) She is as sweet as can be and well worth the work (I say that only as she is laying peacefully asleep on my lap). She is a pure-breed French Bulldog from champion lines and she knows it! She has a playful personality and is loved by all who meet her. She is also stubborn as an ox...I think that's the saying. She loves playing with Mark and to follow me all around the house, including to the bathroom and while I'm in the shower. She is spoiled rotten-which includes sleeping in bed with Mark and I. I know it's a bad habit...I just can't stand to hear her cry.

So, I guess you could say that we're parents. It makes the thought of actual parent hood seem to fade further into the distance...just don't tell my mom:) Mark and I are both learning a lot of nurturing skills and who is the good cop (Mark) and who is the bad cop (me)! Who would have guessed (said with heavy sarcasm). Anyone who knows us could have guessed that...

Well let me know if anyone has any puppy advice...

My Valentine's Gift!!

2007-02-19T18:04:00.000-08:00

Let the DOMESTICATION continue...

2007-02-07T23:21:00.000-08:00

Thank you again my darlings for yet another wonderful night of deliciously hand-crafted food, meticulous material creations, late night talks and slumber parties!! Oh the comfort of conversations that flow through politics and current events to the names of our unborn-adopted children. Then on to social stratification found in poverty and then to our "colors" and International make-out sessions. I love you all more than words can say! You are my best friends and my family, I truly don't know what I would do without your love, support and constant laughs!!

My Birthday wish...

2007-01-23T22:54:00.000-08:00

Why do I allow the emotions that follow my circumstances to rule me?

2007-01-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

I love the sensative beating heart inside my chest...but I do not love way that I allow it to rule my life. I desire to walk a steady balance between heart and logic. I cannot handle the feelings of being tossed in the wind of emotion like a ragdoll.
I fell helpless.
I fell enslaved.
I fell weak.
At times I feel that I fit perfectly in the steps I have chosen. At other times I feel like I am much too weak to be working with the kinds of people I do. But that is the problem, the "I feel.." statement. I want to start thinking more, and feeling less. Or maybe I'll just trying to do both at the same time...

Just braggin' on my boy...

2007-01-07T19:15:00.000-08:00

My husband is a carpenter...he built this custom cabinetry last month. I just wanted to brag on him!!

Christmas Pictures

2007-01-01T21:07:00.000-08:00

Yes...my mom is reaching for my...

Warming up by the fire

Sporting the original design of my new clothing line...aprons and oven mits.

Our Charlie Brown tree...

it was brown and dead within two days...
guess were not ready for a puppy yet!

A Christmas gathering...

2006-12-24T21:09:00.002-08:00

Don't rule Sam Morgan out in the 2007 elections

2006-12-24T21:05:00.000-08:00

Pattern is hard to break...

2006-12-23T11:12:00.000-08:00

Pattern is hard to break...
Pattern is hard to break...
Pattern is ha....
I see myself through a pair of binoculars. I'm looking down on my life, wondering, why can't I change one thing or another?
-and yet in that moment-
the one where the camera zooms in, time stands still and the "audience" is quiet,
I realize, my chance is here..

I love going home to...

2006-12-20T21:47:00.000-08:00

cousins.

wearing big coats.

eating with my hands.

my loves.

being fairies.

the starlite lanes.

Avant-garde Beauty

2006-12-14T10:17:00.000-08:00

It's odd how beauty can strike you at the most unusual times and in the most unusual forms.

There is this women that regularly comes into the Homeless Center where I work. She is beauty in the truest form of the word. If you can look past the weathered skin and into her aging eyes you can understand beauty.

Since working here at the Center I have noticed how sometimes all people really need is someone to talk to. Sometimes that is all that she needs, someone to listen to her. Hearing the way she talks about her life on the streets is unreal. Unreal not for the fact of the robberies and the hardships that she faces as a homeless person. But unreal because her perspective is one like I've never seen before. She truly lives life to the fullest. Finding humor in the trials that she faces and optimism in the hardships she endures.

I am learning what beauty looks like.

(just two years ago)

2006-12-09T10:28:00.000-08:00

These bodies rot away
like the humanness that lives inside them.
Life is so undeserving.
It's such a chance
we did not choose.
It's such a chance.
We play with.
Going in blindly,
not sure what shape were coming out as.
There is no guarantee
to take away the sting,
(of the salt rubbed so vicariously in the wound)

-Jacquie Mayotte 12/09/04

Record of Blessings...

2006-12-09T10:09:00.000-08:00

God is so good.

It's amazing how much He blesses my life and how often times I never identify the blessings. He answers my prayers in ways I could never imagine, and then He is rarely ratified with the praise of the actual blessing.

Why is my nature so ungrateful?

ODE TO MARK

2006-12-03T13:49:00.000-08:00

I am convinced that my husband Mark is one of the most humble, hard-working, servants that I have ever met. I am serious, few people ever see how much of himself and his time he dedicates to other people. Never saying a thing about it. I on the other hand don't mean to be loud and boisterous but I always seem to let everyone know what I am doing, sometimes it's my way of reaching out for prayer and support, and yeah, I'll admit it sometimes it's about pride. But my husband, he truly shows me what a servants heart looks like.

Along with his full time job, running a homeless shelter and taking care of my craziness, he has started a project delivering furniture to those in need. One weekend a month he and some of the guys from his work load up moving trucks and deliver donated furniture to those in need in the community.

Not only does he dedicate so much of his time and effort to others in the need but he is also such a sweet and giving host. My girlfriends come over all of the time, and my husband makes us tea, does the dishes and opens up our home at anytime, and to anyone. Last week some of my friends decided to spend the night, he pulled out new sheets and made the beds for them, parked their cars in the back, and made sure that they had all that they needed.

Does he sound real? I am in shock and in love with such a beautiful man that gives so much and asks so little.

The Razor Cell Phone

2006-11-30T19:32:00.000-08:00

I would like to start off with a quote, said by me, to my little sister...

"If anyone in my family buys a Razor I will kill them!"
It's not that I want to do it...I have to. You see, to me the Razor cell phone is the iconic proof of our American appetites that can never be suppressed. I mean it's a FLAT PHONE. We can be sold anything...with some good marketing, a couple of pictures of celebrities using the product- and were SOLD! I guess things just loose there luster after you've seen them glued to every other persons ear. Maybe I've delved too deeply here...I guess it just makes me laugh...

Since we're in the arena of cell phones I have a challenge for anyone who might take it: Turn your cell phone on silent while your with your friends or family. Don't answer it while your spending time with other people, see what happens, it might just change your life.

OK...I'll eat my words...not the Turkey

2006-11-24T21:04:00.000-08:00

After the last post I thought I should redeem myself with some pictures that might make me look a lot more plesent then I sound.

No but really. Mark and I had a great Thanksgiving. My dad came down from Oregon and my cousin Travis came down from Camarillo. We successfully pulled off our first Thanksgiving feast for 20 people all by ourselves! There were quite a few residents at the Transitional Shelter that we manage that had no where to go for Thanksgiving, so we made one big dinner to feed everyone. I was hoping that after Mark cleaned-gutted-and carved two innocent turkey's that he would turn from his dark ways and become a vegetarian- but to no avail, he seemed to enjoy the turkey even more knowing what it took to prepare it.

Nevertheless, Thanksgiving was a great excuse to try new things, bring people together, and indulge in a wonderful meal. I am thankful.

I am not really a big fan of the holidays...

2006-11-20T22:06:00.000-08:00

I guess that is one way to get the reader hooked...but really, I am serious, maybe I am much too cynical. It's not like I had a bad experience growing up, I guess I had your pretty average, Santa-hating, home-made presents, too much familiy, country Christmas. I'm not saying that I'm above the problem, I am just calling it out like I see it, i'll just name a few reasons why:

-Obviously we are all clones and have bought into the BIG business of the Holiday season. According to a survey done last year, the average American family spends $835 dollars on Christmas presents. That number is ghastly to me.
-If the Holiday season is supposed to be such a joyous time of year why is it that it has the highest death rate? :
"...They compared the number of deaths during the holiday period, which they defined as Dec. 25 to Jan. 7, to the number of deaths that would be expected at that time of year if deaths from natural causes were unaffected by the holidays. The authors estimated that during the Christmas-New Year holidays, there were about 42,039 more deaths during the 26-year study period than would be expected without the “holiday effect.”..."
-During the Holiday season people seem to be much more aware of what they do or do not have. To me, the "holiday effect," is that people have higher expectations and unrealistic idea that things are supposed to be picture perfect. gag me...no one is perfect.
-Yes giving is a wonderful thing. But for some strange reason a majority of American's believe that is the only time that the poor are in need. Why is it that this is the only time that people feel like giving?
-Santa Clause. period.

But let's look on the bright side of thing...
-Yes I enjoy traditions that are meaningful and give you the warm-fuzzies
- I love that holidays bring people together and that they give people something to look forward to.
-And even though it is primarily seasonal giving...I love the fact that people seem to take on an altruistic character compared to the egoistic one that seems all too prevelant during the 10 month long off season from the holidays

So maybe I am too cynical. There are some wonderful things that can come from the consumer-driven and fabricated lie...just kidding. This year I want to do things differently then Middle-America, maybe then I can be a more cup is half full kind of gal...

The Dark Night of the Soul...

2006-11-18T13:01:00.000-08:00

Upon a darkened night
the flame of love was burning in my breast
And by a lantern bright
I fled my house while all in quiet rest

Shrouded by the night
and by the secret stair I quickly fled
The veil concealed my eyes
while all within lay quiet as the dead

Chorus
Oh night thou was my guide
oh night more loving than the rising sun
Oh night that joined the lover
to the beloved one
transforming each of them into the other

Upon that misty night
in secrecy, beyond such mortal sight
Without a guide or light
than that which burned so deeply in my heart

That fire t'was led me on
and shone more bright than of the midday sun
To where he waited still
it was a place where no one else could come

Chorus

Within my pounding heart
which kept itself entirely for him
He fell into his sleep
beneath the cedars all my love I gave
And by the fortress walls
the wind would brush his hair against his brow
And with its smoothest hand
caressed my every sense it would allow

Chorus

I lost myself to him
and laid my face upon my lovers breast
And care and grief grew dim
as in the mornings mist became the light
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair

The Dark night of the Soul is a 15th century writing by St. John of the Cross, in this poem his style is very metaphoric and is a love poem between him and his god...exquisite...

Sewing Club

2006-11-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

My friends and I are major dorks...we started a phenomenon called Sewing Night. Every tuesday night is dedicated to a wonderfully vegan-inspired dinner and most importantly, creative expression through the eye of the needle. Tuesday night my house transforms into a sweatshop, we all have our sewing machines lined up and we work diligently to try and create new things. I really enjoy sewing, but even more so I enjoy my friends. I am convinced that I have some of the most beautiful, artistic and intelligent friends. Thank you Emily.Tawny.Jessica.Crystal.

I never realized how cool Target was...

2006-11-17T00:37:00.000-08:00

you really know how vastly different your life is when you feel excited in Target...After work this evening my husband and I went to Target, we decided before our shopping to stop by the food court and get a pretzel and an icee. I don't think that I've done this since I was like 8. We sat there like children, sipping our icees and watching people walking around the store shopping. It's amazing how much stuff people buy...what do we do with all of that stuff? But that is not the point...the point is, it's funny how when things in life seem so heavy sometimes all you need is an icee and a pretzel in the Target food court...

...numero uno...

2006-11-15T14:37:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to start with a lame introduction of my life "pre-blog," if your reading this you probably already know me...if not, welcome...

Life can be so weird sometimes...I don't know a better adjective to describe it.
I started out my day as an ellipses of the day before. So much going on in my mind that I could barely sleep. Being up in my head and unresolved about so many issues is hard to pull off in my job. I work as a case manager for the homeless population in Orange County. You would hope that anyone in my job would constantly feel blessed by working with people who have virtually nothing. But that is not always the case. Today I just could not shake my own personal issues and really be "there" for my clients.

Luckily an understanding co-worker, a 15 minute break and my ipod, journal and a good cry was all that I needed. Upon my return to work I was greeted by one of my favorite clients, who couldn't wait to tell me, "Today is my 100th day of sobriety!" I am constantly rewarded by working with the very people that our culture deems as "an unproductive part of society," you know what I say to that, "Ah, HELL no!" I learn more from my homeless clients than I do from my own pastor. Needless to say things aren't so bad...and happy 100th day Paul!